Strength
by DrChristineJ
Summary: Edward's POV. His thoughts about his love, life and strength. He's running to the mountains to hunt, to think, and to find answers...What does he find when he dugs in his mind? And is it going to be enough at last? One-Shot.Read and Review!COMPLETE


_**Title: Strength**_

_**Category: Suspense/General**_

_**Rated: K+**_

_**By:FanpireGirl**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or Twilight, Stephenie Meyer's.**_

_**Edward, One-Shot**_

* * *

I'm fast, faster than the others are.  
I'm strong, stronger than humans. I have power: to read minds, to know others secrets, to irritate, and to insane.  
And I have power to kill.

Elk, deer, bear, grizzlies, lions…and humans. I use my instincts most of the time. However, when I'm close to humans, my mind and will have to force control over my needs, passion and true nature. And when it comes to the one person whose I love more than anything else, I have to use my inner strength to bare control.

I know I can never hurt _her_ by my own will. My instincts on the other hand, can never be trusted. _Her_ blood, so sweet, so tempting, still resistible for most vampires. I'm the exception.

'Cause there is nothing that worries me more than loosing _her_. I will surely die for _her_, to protect _her_. And I _will_ leave _her _if it is the best thing to do. But for how long I can stay away from _her_, is another question. It hurts me to be away from _her_ in any length of time.

Like now, when I'm running through this endless forest, searching for something to please my thirst, my aching throat and mouth. My body is on auto gear, running past tree after tree, not caring to stop and listen for anything in particular. I can hear cars passing on a road a few miles away. The sun stands high on the sky, warming up the usual cold and wet Olympic Mountains.

I've held my breath ever since I left Forks, and now I take a deep breath, trying to catch the smell of blood somewhere. Then I see it, only a mile and a half in front of me. The mountain lion walking slowly east, peaceful and pleased. Only a few minutes ago it had had it's meal for the day. My lips curl over my teeth, a growl comes from my chest, and I know that in matter of seconds, the lion will wish it never had left it's area in the first place.

* * *

I lay down in the grass, my thirst content, but my mind the opposite. I'm thinking about _her_, not that I don't always do that. I'm also listening to Alice thoughts, trying to put things together. And I'm thinking about my human life, trying to remember something. In the first hundred years of my life as a vampire, the human memories faded, more and more.

Now, in these last twelve months, they are coming back. First, I didn't understand how, or why. But later I figured out it has to be because of my closeness to _her_. Again,_ she's_ a part of my thoughts. After I started spending so much time around a human, my own human life comes back to me as small clips. Suddenly I saw my mother, remembered how she always forgot we had two and not one step down from the kitchen, or how much she hated snow. She reminded me so much about _her_.

Okay, why did I call her that? _Her,_ or _she…_Bella. My Bella, that's what she is. She's my life, my everything…my forever. She's easy to read, except when I comes to her mind. But her face expression always reveal her. I chuckle to myself. She's like a closed book, her mind, still I can always force things out of her, due to her really bad lies. I have to smile, thinking about it. I close my eyes, laying perfectly still.

Sometimes when I do this, I almost feel dead. No heart beating in my chest, no breathing sound, no blood pumping through my veins. My mind is the only thing that's always working. It never relaxes, it _can_ never relax. Now I have so much experience with shutting out others thoughts, but still, my so-called sisters and brothers never give me a rest.

That's why I like taking hunting trips alone now and then. Being able to concentrate on my own thoughts rather than others…that's probably the closest I can get to resting, relaxing. It's a hard life, but I've always known that. But what is there to do? Thought something always bother me with that. How much I wouldn't give to be human, like Bella. She deserves a normal life.

The only one I will give anything for to live a good life, is the only one that I can't. I can swear that if I'd have the same way on seeing life as I had as a human, I would never handled this. I'm so much stronger now, in many ways. Just the way I think now, is controlled by my strength. I have to be strong, all the time. I can never slip, never allow myself to lose control. Because if I do, I will never handle being strong enough to be around Bella again. _Ever_. Just thinking about that makes my non heart twist in pain.

"You have more control over me than you realize you have, Isabella," I mutter to myself. And it's the truth. She has some dangerous weapons, and after learning the affect they have on me, she has start taking advantages with them on me. Her pleading voice - irresistible and soft - always work on me. I have to clench my teeth hard together sometimes, so that I don't scare her with my irritation over it.

I run a hand through my hair, now trying to focus on Alice's thoughts. '_Where is he? I swear, when I find him I'll give him a real lesson…mhm…I can already see that happen.' _I smile briefly to myself, my eyes still closed.

"Not a bad idea sis," I mumble, again to myself. I'm sure that having the ability to read minds is the most fascinating and confusing power to have as a vampire. I will surely someday go nuts. It's hard enough to accept humans just by being a vampire. When you know their way to look at things, their ugly truth as I like to call it, it's almost impossible. I have to concentrate all the time, so that don't answer their thoughts instead of their spoken words, and not to tell something about them that I'm not supposed to know. _Ahrgg_…It's so complicated, all of it. Yet I can't say I don't like my power. It is surely useful, just as Alice's power is, and Jasper's.

"Jasper," I wonder out loud. '_I'm not safe now. Alice will kill me for doing this. Hell, I should know better, after all these years. I can't keep anything from her. She's probably seen it already, her feelings aren't pretty nice.' _

"She definitely has," I speak up again, thinking loud. Okay, so it was pretty entertaining sometimes, I have to admit. '_Shouldn't Edward be back by now?'_ Esme thought. I just shake my head. Not that she will know. I still have an hour or so until Bella is finish from school. Emmett, Rosalie and Carlisle are gone hunting the Cascade National Forest.

Only Esme, Alice and Jasper are at home. I just lay here in the grass, playing with some strays, looking up at the few white clouds on the sky sometimes. "What a strange world it is." I often thought about life, the world and our existence. Carlisle have told me a lot of theories, but still there is so much more I want to know, so much unsolved.

And I _am _going to find answers for it all. I'm going to find a way to control myself better, a way to solve everything. Humans will surely say that it's impossible. Which it is, for them. They only live long enough to understand that we live on an unfair planet somewhere in the enormous universe. We vampires on the other hand, will say that _nothing_ is impossible.

I stand up, stretching myself, getting ready to run home, home to my family and my girl. The thought of seeing Bella soon, make me grin. Maybe I am crazy, hell, maybe we all are. But who isn't that? And I know, when I run, that I'm going to be strong, I'm going to hadle it all, unmatter what it is. And I'm not giving up, I know I'm strong enough to resist, the monster inside me is going to be destroyed...someday. Someday I can look back at this day and say it was all worth it, worth the effort, the strength it took me. I'm going to find answers.

After all, I _have_ eternity!

* * *

**A/N: Just another one-shot that was stuck in my head, and I had to write it. I've always wanted to write Edward's POV, to understand his thoughts around stuff. So, please tell me what you think...I don't know if I'm good enough to write Twilight fanfics, so I would love some reviews from you readers. Haven't read my other Twilight fanfic? Check out my profile, and read _His Eyes._ Bella's POV,Bella and Edward. Oh, and vote...again, check out my profile...**

**Okay, you know what to do...a hint anyway?...the button is purple and says _GO!_**

**-Christine**


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